I started bagging up my work clothes this month. 2024 is going to be the year of change. Change of career and change of residence and change of attitude. We’re moving to a new home(s) and planning on jockeying back and forth to follow the sun and the kids. Yes kids, I plan on seeing much more of you!
How many pairs of black slacks does anyone need? The answer is none. Yoga pants that have never been to yoga is my new uniform. I’m purging my closet of teacher clothes and work stress. If the clothes don’t evoke a good memory they’re out. I’m also going through all the clothes my kids have left behind and pulling out what I can use. I’m totally rocking Brayrizz circa 2019 with my, new to me, velcro vans and Hollister sweater, dressing like a cool kid; maybe I’ll finally be popular. Socks? I have hundreds (no joke) of unmatched pairs. My new drip is thrifted teen clothes.
I’m done with entitled, apathetic, ill mannered, farty, attention seeking teenagers. But I will so definitely miss the sweet, hardworking, ambitious, funny, low key, strong, mature young adults that far outnumber the noisy minority. The good ones I usually don’t hear from again because they move on, as they should. The few that come back to visit have regrets and are looking for redemption or forgiveness or validation. I’m kind if they visit, but not ready to forgive their behavior.
I jokingly say that I’m finally graduating high school after 20 years, but ironically I’m faced with the same question as when I originally graduated. What do you want to do with the rest of your life? This is a time of immense joy and trepidation. I am scared. My biggest fear revolves around the fact that I love sitting on the couch and I will have so much time to engage in this luxury. I’m afraid that I will no longer be identified by having a profession, which is what you ascribe life value to. I’m afraid of getting old, not just older. I’m afraid of falling out of the learning loop of new technology, trends, fashion etc.. I’m afraid that my weight will go up and my health will decline.
I’ve read that the first person you encounter on a journey is fear and you need to acknowledge them, tip your hat, and then keep going. Therefore, I’m giving myself an anxiety provoking, liberating retirement/graduation present – a month long adventure in September, just as school is starting, I will go away from every thing/everyone, tip my cap, and take a long walk to reflect (no cap :)
unbecomingjane 